And please do not make the mistake of thinking this story to be parody. This introduction, though seemingly mayhaps humorous comedy to you, is life or (not and) death struggle for me. I am very likely about to die. Which would make this a very short epic adventure story. (Unless I were to come back to life somehow, and that's unlikely at best.)
It needs 3 sentences in all:
1. Pretty elfin girl walks into a bar.
2. Large orc notices her pork chop.
3. Even larger orkich girlfriend horribly smashes her to death.
I don't know. Not the sort of epic adventure story I would wanna read (no offense). But I suppose if you're in favor of a shorter story, you may as well cheer Mrunhalgra (which is what I imagine her name is) on. Because she may just end it all, right here.
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