Page 1

...
Chapter 1
The Orc and the Wizard
Do you believe in destiny? Do you believe in fate? Do you believe in love at first sight? Or the deepest love, forged from deepest hate? Friendship, truth, honor, pain. The list goes on. This is a story of all of these things. The only story that really matters to me right now.

It's also a story of elves and dwarves and little gnomes with fuzzy beards, and hobbits with hairy feet. And wizards and dragons.

And spaceships that shoot laser beams and have force fields, and fly through the stars so many times faster than a beam of light. Or fold space in half so as to leap from one place to another.

And like I said, this story matters. So if you can't take it seriously you should stop reading right here.

This story matters.

...

It begins with me being punched in the face by an orkich woman. The force of it (the blow) caused me to tip over in my seat and go crashing to the ground. Rubbing my eye.

"My man he keep staring at'chu," she'd mentioned just earlier, after sticking a knife into the table just between me and my dinner.

"Errr appologies?" I'd replied.

And that was when she hit me. It was my own fault. You never appologize to an orc. They find it extremely demeaning.

"I said sorry! Sorry!" I explained from the ground. These were of course my second and third mistakes.

Page 2

I know what you're wondering right now. You're wondering: "Just who is that dashing, gorgeous, elfin* lass currently apologizing profusely (and thusly further enraging her psychotic attacker) whilst soaring over the table behind her own, after being tossed headlong in that direction by that very angry and gigantic muscular orkich woman?"

*- (elfin, meaning literally an elf, not like an elf like)

Well I'll tell you. That girl, so fetching to the eye, so as to attract the longing gaze of of even the most grizzled of orkich warriors (actually it turned out later he had actually been staring at the food on my plate), with the most extremely angry and oversized (I'm tellin' ya she was ten foot tall and four foot wide, if she was a foot by six inches!!!) of orkich girlfriends...well that girl is me!

And my name is Feria Sunsmith. And this is my story.

Page 3

And please do not make the mistake of thinking this story to be parody. This introduction, though seemingly mayhaps humorous comedy to you, is life or (not and) death struggle for me. I am very likely about to die. Which would make this a very short epic adventure story. (Unless I were to come back to life somehow, and that's unlikely at best.)

It needs 3 sentences in all:

1. Pretty elfin girl walks into a bar.

2. Large orc notices her pork chop.

3. Even larger orkich girlfriend horribly smashes her to death.

I don't know. Not the sort of epic adventure story I would wanna read (no offense). But I suppose if you're in favor of a shorter story, you may as well cheer Mrunhalgra (which is what I imagine her name is) on. Because she may just end it all, right here.